spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
