Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's shark week go big or go home
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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