No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
