I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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