i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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