I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
