i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
