I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
