on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
