So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
