Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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