dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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