yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The air was thick with penises
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Congratulations! We have a period
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
