The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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