I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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