I can feel you judging me through the phone.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
