So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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