First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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