Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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