you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
