And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
