Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
