After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
