Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
