Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
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Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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