Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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