i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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