I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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