after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
