...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
