I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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