he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
