Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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