my shit smells like andre
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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