he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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