ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
