so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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