your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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