Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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