4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize