I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
