If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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