If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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