I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
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just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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