There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
