Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
