North Korea, Best Korea!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
