My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
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she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.