i think my tv is drunk
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely