Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful