Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
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I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
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he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.