I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.