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i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
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