the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.