I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
