I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
