I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
