Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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