I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
