I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
