So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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