farters have to be the big spoon...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
