It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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