yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
