just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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