So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
