I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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