if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
